Saturday, August 28, 2010

number 9? number 9?

I can't believe I'm about to write this post, but ya know, when something gets in my brain and stays there, I write about it. It's What I Do.

It's about porn. I got to thinking about it because of number 9 on this joke list that I posted the other day. I mean, if the internet is joking about how unrealistic porn is, then it's a fact probably already fully embedded in the human consciousness somewhere. Which means the ground has been laid (no pun intended) for my opinion on the subject to be aired and maybe even taken seriously.

Those of you who know me in meatspace have probably heard versions of this opinion already; please feel free to excuse yourselves. Those who havent, please be advised that nothing I write here will be suitable for reading by those with delicate sensibilities. If you fall into this category, please exit the site now by clicking here.

All right, the rest of you. Ready?

As is well known to all but a few inhabitants of the unexplored Amazonian jungle, human adult females and males suffer from a chronic disparity in their rates of sexual desire, with men 'peaking' around 18 and women not getting really interested until their late 30s and early 40s. A lot of crap has come along to try and deal with this biological fact -- Mars and Venus, 'Women's Interest' magazines, and a truly tragic level of drug profiteering.

I figure porn was invented when some poor bastard in his sexual prime couldn't get his sexually immature female counterpart to cooperate. He goes out and draws pictures on the cave walls to somehow help him cope. Unfortunately -- and ironically -- it has the opposite effect. Naughty pictures just make the poor guy hornier. Not only that, he draws them peopled with idealized women, so now, when he goes home, not only is he not getting any, he's forced to look at a woman who doesn't measure up to his newly-invented standards (which is a worthy topic of discussion, but one that I am deliberately putting aside here).

I want to talk about the lack of logic in making porn to stimulate MEN, when it would be more to everyone's benefit to make porn that stimulates WOMEN. Because I can tell you, from my vast and scientific personal research, that male porn -- which is, these days, all porn -- does nothing for me. Maybe for a few seconds, I'll get a little "ooh," but that's usually followed by a disgusted "ew," or laughter. And not the sexy kind of laughter; the "who comes up with this shit?" kind of laughter.

Yes, there is porn for women, porn for women, and porn for women (last link NSFW). That the first two are jokes and the last one has 'girls' in its name should tell you exactly how seriously pornologists are taking the 'women's market.' Do a little googling and you'll discover that most 'real' porn for women is just porn for men with some 'plot' ladled over it and a cunnilingus scene spliced into the mix somewhere.

That 'For the Girls' website is a good example. In all of the pictures except the ones of men alone, the camera is aimed at the woman, and the woman's body occupies most of the frame. I'm a heterosexual female; why do I want to look at a naked woman? I mean, OK, if I'm looking at people having sex, I'm going to see naked women, but if the film/picture/whatever was actually 'made for' me, the focus would be on the GUY. Nor would there be facials, double-penetration anal (ouch), 'gang bangs,' ridiculous lingerie, jackrabbit thrusting, 'live rape videos,' or shaved anything. I hope it goes without saying that women in degrading situations of any sort would certainly never appear. And you'd get to see a guy's face while he has an orgasm instead of just his wang.

These days, when I'm in the mood, I look at gay porn. It doesn't quite hit the spot, for this straight woman, but at least it doesn't make me want to take a baseball bat to whoever made it.

Now, I realize that, as world problems go, a lack of good porn for women is way down the list. I also realize that my wish for it to exist places me dangerously close, philosophically, to the 'sex-positive feminists,' most of whom I'd like to banish to another planet where they can do all the sexy feminism they want and stop fucking up the planet *I* live on. However, if you've got a couple of million lying around that you'd like to invest in a world-changing new business venture, we should talk.

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